self-preservation
why's it always you against yourself?
a love that transcends hunger
fandom: &team
main pairing: byun euijoo | ej / wang yixiang | nicholas
main tags: alternative universe - werewolves; body horror (ish); mostly explicit werewolf transformations; blood and injury; also incredibly sweet.
wc: 14.4k
❀ notes: this is what im currently working on and im so so excited for it!!! it’s been so fun to write (even though im only like halfway through), literally cannot wait to post it. also it’s part 1 of a sort of series, i have a fuma/k part 2 that’s kinda hanging there, and then murderous vampire jay fic which is part of the same universe but completely unrelated to this fic.
temporary title: when darkness comes
fandom: enhypen
main pairing: lee heeseung / park jongseong | jay
main tags: alternative universe - vampires; blood and gore; murderous vampire jay, explicit sexual content.
wc: 753w
❀ notes: this is actually Old but i brought it back to life when i started writing &team werewolf fic and now i love the fact that they are parallels!!!! bc &team fic is wolf-nicho regaining his identity and sense of human self, while this is jay losing his humanity.
i don’t like a gold rush
fandom: boys planet
main pairing: cha woonggi / terazono keita
main tags: canon compliant, post boys planet.
wc: 674w
❀ notes: this fic will be the death of me. honestly this is just me trying to prove to myself that i am crazy enough to write ANYTHING. but so far im having fun writing little pieces or silly ideas.
untitled
fandom: &team
main pairing(s): byun euijoo | ej / wang yixiang | nicholas; yudai koga | k / murata fuma.
tags: post disbandment, reunions.
wc: 200w
❀ notes: im collecting ideas/doing research (reading post disbandment fics) as we speak. im working my way up from the fact that euijoo is the only member of &team that will have to go to the military. he also happens to be (in my silly eyes) the glue holding them all together. i want to play with this.
temporary title: foolish one
fandom: &team
main pairing: byun euijoo | ej / wang yixiang | nicholas
main tags: alternative universe - college/university; (best) friends to lovers; euijoo writes the love advice column in uni’s newspaper, nicholas is so pathetically in love with him.
wc: 444w
❀ notes: this started with me trying to take a break from the dramatics of writing werewolf fic. also me listening to foolish one and completely losing my mind bc why did taylor wrote a song about me???? (AND me projecting into euijoo <3)
love ends (but what if it doesn’t?)
fandom: zb1
main pairing(s): kim jiwoong / seok matthew; seok matthew / sung hanbin; sung hanbin / zhanghao
main tags: CLEARLY unrequited seok matthew / sung hanbin; canon compliant, character study.
wc: 210w
❀ notes: as far as i can tell, this doesn’t make any sense. YET. i think i am unable to understand seok matthew. YET. anyway all the fun things.
untitled
fandom: &team
main pairing: yudai koga | k / murata fuma
main tags: canon compliant; outside pov
wc: 60w
❀ notes: woke up in a cold sweat at 3 am one day and decided that i should probably work on the mentioned k/fuma thing from come back to me (like you would if this was a movie). but even better yet: nicho pov.
untitled
fandom: &team
main pairing: asakura jo / harua / hirota riki | maki
main tags: canon compliant; character study.
wc: 54w
❀ notes: im obsessed with the harumakijo dynamics. also i think harua's a very interesting person when it comes to people.
temporary title: labyrinth
fandom: teen wolf
main pairing: liam dunbar / theo raeken
main tags: reunions.
wc: 89w
❀ notes: ever since i heard labyrinth it’s been the thiam song by default and i cannot pass on the opportunity to write them.
the barbie experience
barbie thoughts
i don't know what i was expecting this movie to be about but this was not it. and i am not disappointed. the whole experience was so much fun to me, i had dinner with my friends (me made pink bread for our burgers) and we dressed in all pink, took way too many selfies and shoot a bunch of tiktoks that won't ever see the light of day.
now onto the real movie thoughts.
so i think that the movie was maybe an attempt to keep a lot of people happy and there were several things that were a bit .... like i honestly think it was way too nice to men sorry not sorry. the way barbie just forgave ken so fast in the end kinda didn't sit well with me. like they destroyed barbieland and subjugated women, turned them into objects and maids for them and that was completely overlooked and ken was forgiven because ooooh guess what? it was barbie's fault that he was feeling bad! like i get it??? because the movie is about how the oppresion of patriarchy affects everyone, men included, but still,,,,, it was a bit too easy on men for my personal taste.
and the "patriarchal brainwashing" is so well represented too. all the barbies completely forgetting who they were and why it matters that they are not those people anymore is so important. as it is extremely important to remember it. as women living in a patriarchal society we fall into misogynistic behaviour all the damn time and it's important to see that we can change that in ourselves and in others.
someone said this on twitter and i think it is arguably the most important part of the movie: in barbie's ideal world, men were not sexual objetcs, they are just there and women have no desire to control them in the way men do.
and i do want to say that ryan gosling did a great job as ken and that the character on itself is so well written it's crazy. his whole solo song during the ken-off fits sooooo well in the movie, like ken is only thinking about himself and im completely obsessed with it, the songwriting is 10/10.
AND ANOTHER THING: it's completely obvious that everything in the movie is a continouous saturation of stereotypes which i love. it really gets you thinking that these things were taken to the extreme and portrayed that way in a MOVIE and yet it totally resonates with things that happen IN REAL LIFE.
i dont care what anyone says but america ferrera's monologue (yeah you know the one) is so so good. the delivery itself is just great and her performance was superb but the speech is the best part of the whole movie for me. when we got out of the theatre i told my friend how much i liked it and how it literally made me tear up a bit and she told me that it felt forced to her or even a bit cringe in some way but i was like!!!!!!! why. maybe it's deeply personal to me bc everything that was said (literally word by words) is exactly the way i've always thought about it. women are never enough—we are either too much or we are always lacking and society (men and other women) just don't like us no matter what we do. and that's so powerful to me.
the mother-daughter relationship was so well portrayed and written, it felt really really natural and realistic. AND ALSO the memories of barbie actually being gloria's is so <333 literal hug to the sould. bc like a grown woman can still have dreams and imagination and childlike wonder and still enjoy the same thing she did as a child, playing with barbie being a literal comfort place in her life!!!!!! showing us that playing the same way we did when we were young is okay!!!
there's just so much to say about margot robbie. yeah, she totally is the perfect barbie i do not care what anyone else says. the scene where barbie is sitting on the bench, feeling every human emotion for the first time and just crying!!!!! it was so good. ALSO turning to the side and seeing the old woman, and immediately calling her beautiful <3333 like barbie has been concerned about so called "imperfections" and aging and dying and suddenly she's in the real world, in front of a real person who is no longer considered beautiful by society BECAUSE of those "imperfections" and she still thinks beautiful. my heart is so full.
the whole sequence of barbie walking (rolling???) into the real world and automatically being stared down by everyone is a crazy scene. the way the contrast between men/women is immediately portrayed is crazy. like she is feeling uncomfortable, she gets cat called, laughed at and literally assaulted (the guy slapping her ass) and it really represents the transition into girlhood. one day you are just a kid, everything is about friendship and dreams, pink and sparkles, and the next one you are being perceived in this completely violent, predatory and sexual way by society. the worst thing is that, as women, we experience this at a very young age. the first time someone made a comment about my body i was eleven years old. i was still palying with barbies.
and yet, she experiences this and so much more, like the fear of death and she still chooses to become human. the ending didn't mean much to me at first (i didn't quite like it to be honest) but like it makes so much sense. the "perfect" world in barbieland doesn't resonate with her anymore. she has seen and experienced too many human emotions to become the barbie she was before. there are many horrible things in the world and yet she chooses to live because there are so many good things too—celebrating with others, loving, laughing, crying, the sun in your face, the wind in your hair. the good outweights the bad. barbie wants to be one of the people who can change the world, do you know how meaningful and powerful that is?
people complaining about how the ending was unfair to kens and how they wanted the ending to be a representaiton of equality for both kens and barbies but the line "hope that some day they (kens) will have the same representation as women have in the real world" is literally IN THE MOVIE. how can you miss the point? it's the year 2023 and we as women are still NOT even close to equals to men. that's what the movie is trying to show. you can think that is is unfair that kens are not given the same treatment as barbies in the end because it fucking is. and it is also the reality for women in the real world. it's meant to be upsetting.
WHEN BARBIE IS IN THE MATTEL CORP and calls for the woman in charge <333333 incredibly ironic in the best way that the board is all just white men.
there's something that was a bit ... ? for me personally: talking about how barbies was for the empowerment of women when i did not experience it like that. obviously it is not like this for everyone. i realise now that i am older that when i used to play with these dolls (which i did for over 10 years) nothing about it was "inclusive". perhaps it's bc of the country i live in but we did not have black barbies or fat barbies, and even the dolls that had brown hair were not "barbie". the barbie was the tall, blonde and skinny doll. if the doll was different than that, then it simply wasn't barbie. and considering i never fit into the barbie stereotype, it was never for or about me. barbie could be anything she wanted. i could not. also i will not get into the whole "promoting captitalim and the culture of fast consumery" because we all know that barbie promoted that.
!!!! some things are truly not that serious though !!!! people being like "iS bArBiE oVeRhYpEd?!?!?!!" pissed me the fuck off, like shut up!!!!! let other people have fun!!!! why does it matter if i want to dress all in pink with my friends to go watch a silly movie!!!!!! literally leave me the fuck alone.
and thinking about that let me realise that i did not have a single pink thing in my closet and i love pink. i borrowed a sweater from my mum and i loved how the colour looked on me. but it always feels as if im not allowed to like pink. because pink makes me feel feminine. society tells us that pink is for girls, and considering i don't feel like one 50% of the time it's a colour i've rejected since i was a kid, when i first started sturggling with the aching realisation that my gender identity was different from my friends' and that liking both boys AND girls was not in fact a universal experience. also pink seen as feminine and femininity being considered as fragile, leading us to believe that being women and wearing pink makes us weak.
OK SO overall. it's a crazy movie. i liked it so much. it was funny and it got the whole theatre literally laughing all the time but it's also a serious movie that gives you a lot to think about and discuss.
life update
winter is here and it is hell
i'm somewhere between terrifyingly calm and going insane each day. i wake up and i throw a dart to decide if today is going to be the day i descend into madness or if i'll just bake cookies and pick up flowers.
my throat is sore and my nose is a bit runny and i hate the feeling of being pre-sick. winter in my parents' town is fucking hell. i fear i have become too much of a big-city-girlie and now im not able to handle temperatures belowe 15°C. here, every day is below 3°C.
holidays are holidaying a bit much and i had an almost-but-not-quite panic attack yesterday when i signed up for my grammar ii final exam + my second semester classes. i haven't started studying yet (only sat down and organized the contents) and i will possibly flunk this exam but we are not going for the best grade here, we are going for the passing grade. and speaking of second semester classes, there are a lot, i will practically be living in uni for the next four???five??? months. (writing that made me realise i need to start looking into other living options because my lease is up next march and like everything else in this country, apartment prices have gone to shit)
i have three (3) birthdays this week, and like a thousand plans: 1 english class to teach, 1 birthday afternoon tea reunion, movie function with my friends (IAMSEEINGBARBIE ⌒‿⌒ [guy who was planning on wearing their cuntiest outfit but now has to rethink it bc of the cold]), picnic with some of my friends <3 a bday party (for which i will be using the cuntiest outfit ever and will probably get insanely drunk), a festival to protect a local green area and literally fight the government against illegal shit that will manage to destroy the ecosystem, fuck up people's lives by literally flooding 2 entire neighbourhoods and fill rich people's pocket with more money.
i am beyond excited about it.